just another heartache on my list

I received a report from my mother today that her sister (my Aunt Dee) was quite annoyed with my open letter to everyone a few weeks ago, since she got lumped into the 'generic relative' category. I profoundly and sincerely apologize; she has not been a 'generic' influence in my life, but instead has always been a very caring and supportive aunt even though she lives six hours away from us. Can I please be forgiven for using the phrase 'generic relative'? It was merely for humor value, not out of any attempt to cause hurt feelings.

I stayed home from work today, as I was feeling intensely nauseous this morning; I refuse to blame the chicken burgers or the bacon, since I want to eat them if Ranjit makes them again. This means that I will have an absolutely insane amount of work to do tomorrow; I didn't feel 100% by tonight, and so I didn't do any work at all. Oh, well, life goes on, and so all I can do is feign excitement about the possibility of working fifteen or sixteen hours tomorrow. Yay.

When one spends most of the day curled up in bed nursing stomach pains under the lazily-twirling ceiling fan and listening to the sounds of a movie shoot (the most discernable sound being someone yelling 'action!' in heavily-accented English through a bullhorn) taking place in the field below one's bedroom, thoughts of the future are best avoided but apparently impossible to ignore. I am becoming increasingly convinced that I will be single, at least for a significant period of time; and perhaps I deserve to be single, since I have one perfectly good stalker still calling me and I refuse to pick up the phone. But until I find him hiding in the trunk of my car, I will not consider his devotion to be worthy of my attention. I am not upset by my singleness, however, since this gives me the opportunity to find a path in life that is not dictated by someone else. It also gives me an incredible amount of freedom; whether I choose to go to business school, or grad school, or the school of tuberculosis-infected writers, that choice will not be influenced by boyfriends, husbands, or kids. And maybe I can't find the person who is right for me until I have a better idea of who 'me' is--and maybe when I have found 'me', I will realize that my passion for my chosen path would make romantic relationships a distraction rather than a goal. We shall see, we shall see.

In any event, I do not believe that I will find true love in India. I have already loved several Indians in the States, and they have all broken my heart; Adit refused to live with me (although he is happy to live in my apartment while I am gone), Vishal wanted to impregnate me (that's a joke, I think), Ritu moved to Chicago (good for her, bad for California), and Vidya...actually, Vidya hasn't broken my heart. Yet. But the point is that after the bitterness of my experience with Indian friends in the States, I think that I would be hard-pressed to get over my previous disappointments so that I could find new love with someone else. However, some of my coworkers have been threatening to write a profile of me and put it up on a matchmaking site; they think that I could do quite well, since I have a technical degree, am 'homely' (which here means 'able to do home tasks', not 'ugly'), and could provide a husband with a green card and eventual citizenship. I would prefer to leave arranged marriages to my romance novels, so I'm trying to scotch this idea while I still can.

Speaking of romance novels, I haven't written in awhile; perhaps I'll get a chance this weekend. Now, though, I need to sleep so that I can be prepared for some long, hard slogging tomorrow. Goodnight!